When I started this blog, I decided that at some point I was going to do some random blogs about life and stuff to go along with my author blogs. I am sort of in a self-imposed slump on my writing for right now. I am waiting on word from a couple of contests, thinking about the story line for my current work in progress and considering entering a couple more contests.
Sales are not as well as I had hoped. But that is okay. I am not disappointed or disillusioned. It is obvious, now that I have since learned a few things after I published, I am considering taking the books offline after Christmas and giving them a little overall revamp. When I published, I only used Amazon Kindle Direct Publishing and I did not use CreateSpace, which I have since learned is the way to go. So I am thinking that after the holidays, this will be my next project. This is just another reason why I am in a self-imposed hiatus on working on the third book. However, the mind is a jumble with many different ideas on plot twists that I recently thought of and I am working them all out in my brain before putting them into the story. This seems to be my way. I have to work things through in my head before I decide to finally type everything out. Yep, I am weird…lol
So while I sit every evening reading Facebook posts, working on artwork and listening to music, I am slowly getting myself into the Christmas spirit. Tonight was the first time in a few years that I actually listened to Christmas music. I had been having trouble hearing certain popular songs on the radio because they bought back memories that made me sad. I lost my mom in 2014. When I was growing up, one of the things we always did together was listen to the few Christmas carol albums that we had and sing the songs together. Music and singing had always been a big part of my family life growing up. We were all in the church choir and my dad and oldest brother had pretty awesome tenor voices. The first Christmas after she passed, I didn’t have many issues with the music because silly me went and crashed on my way to work on the morning of December 19th, so I spent my birthday, Christmas and New Year’s in a trauma center suffering from 15 broken bones and a dislocated hip. I do remember just before the accident though. The radio station was playing Christmas music randomly during the day and I was just pulling into the garage when O Holy Night came on. It was the same version we used to listen to when I was a kid and it was always one of her favorites. I remember sitting there in the car and bawling my eyes out while listening to the song. Since then I found I avoided the carols. Tonight, I dug through my music channel and found the old songs while I worked on some Christmas art. I got through listening to the carols okay. It is the typing of all this that got to me. So, I guess as they say, time heals all wounds.
I wish I could say I always enjoyed Christmas and it was one of my favorite holidays. To be honest, it really never was. I hated Christmas. As a kid, I enjoyed the break from school, but that was about it. You see, the fates cursed me by giving me a birthday on Christmas Eve. Yes, you get ripped off when it comes to presents. People think it is okay to bring one present and tell you “Well, you can open it today or tomorrow.” And as a kid, all I could think was “Well if my birthday was in June, you would have given me two presents, so why is it is acceptable for you to just give me one because my birthday is the 24th?” I know, it sounds selfish, but there is a reason for that too. Quite honestly, we were quite poor. I am number eight of eight kids. We never had Christmas presents under the tree each year. If I did get presents, it was from a random aunt/uncle that would bring only the one as I said above. My parents never had the money to buy any of us gifts for Christmas or our birthdays. My dad felt it was better to spend the spare money on a good family meal and that was it. There was one year he really splurged. He bought us all a little mini four-pack of Whitman’s Sampler candy. And mine had a quarter in it for my birthday. I had never had a birthday party. I didn’t have a birthday cake until I was about 9 years old when I baked a cake for myself. It didn’t have any frosting, but it was the most memorable birthday cake for me ever.
So to me, Christmastime always seemed like a depressing time. Once it was all over, I had to return to school and the inevitable questions from classmates about what I got for Christmas and my birthday. Most times I just made things up so they would not treat me any differently or feel sorry for me. Or tease me. I was teased a lot as a kid because we were so poor.
Eventually, I grew up to adulthood and Christmastime changed. I had a man in my life, and ironically enough, he had a December birthday too. We are exactly nine years and nine days apart. All of a sudden, I had a birthday that was not Christmas themed. I didn’t get a present on the 24th and get told that I could open it today or tomorrow. When I woke up on Christmas morning, there were actual Christmas presents under the tree. And every year since then, we have always had separate birthdays and then Christmas and he and the kid always made both days special. So I learned to love Christmas after all those years. I no longer resented all those years of nothing. It made me a stronger person and I learned to appreciate all the good things I had in my life.
But the best part was when our daughter started getting old enough to enjoy Christmas. It was like looking at Christmas all over again through the eyes of a child that didn’t have to face the harsh realities of life like I did being from a poor family. It was wondrous and glorious and fun. More than likely, we went a little overboard when it came to decorating and presents, but to sit there on Christmas morning and see the light in her eyes and the joy on her face was worth every penny we spent. And thank the stars! Her birthday is in June so we got to have a fun time with presents for her twice a year. It healed all the hurt and anger I had inside from when I was a kid. Yes, I know there is a reason for the season, but when you are a kid dealing with all that I did, you don’t really understand life and you resent everything about it.
We haven’t put up a tree in a few years, mostly due to space issues in our apartment, but this one here is big enough, so I am considering it. Despite cringing at the thought that our little demon child cat will have her way with it. I usually have to anchor the tree to keep it from falling over, I now have a huge selection of shatterproof ornaments and we never put any lights on the tree because she likes to chew on electrical cords. The whole process is humorous at best, so I will leave my Christmas memories with that and the picture at the top of the page. As you can see, our little Skwidgy making her nest in the tree from a few years ago.
Thank you once again for following my blog page. I want to wish all of you the most joyous holiday season ever. I shall leave you with everyone’s favorite quoted line: “Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night.”
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